- This topic has 6 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 5 months, 3 weeks ago by Poonam Chakraborty.
Difficult conversations with team members are never easy, but I’ve learned that preparing with intention makes all the difference.
The first step for me is setting context and boundaries — letting the person know beforehand what the conversation will be about, so they come in with the right mindset. I make it clear that this is a professional dialogue, not a personal critique, and that it’s okay if we don’t always agree. Sometimes agreeing to disagree is a healthy outcome too.
Second, I balance candor with care — appreciating what they’re doing well before moving into the tougher part of the discussion. This not only softens the defensiveness but also reminds them that they’re valued beyond the mistake or challenge at hand.
Finally, a framework I rely on is the Situation–Behavior–Impact (SBI) model:
1. Situation — what happened and when
2. Behavior — what the person did (observed, not assumed)Behaviour
3. Impact — how it affected me, the team, or the work
This keeps the feedback grounded, specific, and less personal, while still allowing space for dialogue and acknowledgement from both parties.
At the heart of it, I believe difficult conversations are about honesty with empathy — creating space where people feel respected even when the message is tough.
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Difficult conversations with team members are never easy, but I’ve learned that preparing with intention makes all the difference.
The first step for me is setting context and boundaries — letting the person know beforehand what the conversation will be about, so they come in with the right mindset. I make it clear that this is a professional dialogue, not a personal critique, and that it’s okay if we don’t always agree. Sometimes agreeing to disagree is a healthy outcome too.
Second, I balance candor with care — appreciating what they’re doing well before moving into the tougher part of the discussion. This not only softens the defensiveness but also reminds them that they’re valued beyond the mistake or challenge at hand.
Finally, a framework I rely on is the Situation–Behavior–Impact (SBI) model:
1. Situation — what happened and when
2. Behavior — what the person did (observed, not assumed)Behaviour
3. Impact — how it affected me, the team, or the workThis keeps the feedback grounded, specific, and less personal, while still allowing space for dialogue and acknowledgement from both parties.
At the heart of it, I believe difficult conversations are about honesty with empathy — creating space where people feel respected even when the message is tough.
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This is incredibly helpful and practical! I love everything you’ve shared and will definitely adopt the SBI model. Reading your post made me realize that the key is to be mindful, that’s the only way one can care to set the context of the conversation beforehand or balance candor with care. The SBI model is especially effective when combined with these steps. Thank you once again for sharing.
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Thanks for sharing Poonam! I couldn’t say better than how you did!
SBI helps a lot ! I have learned about it late and it’s a pity!For me, the idea is also to motivate the person to get moving, by giving them all the support possible as a manager, and to persuade them (ideally with the help of real observations of how they work) that they have all the resources within them to make the necessary change.
As a manager, after the SBI, I take the time to make her understand that
1) I believe in her/his abilities
2) I will be by her/his side to support him/her(But it’s obviously a different matter if it’s a conversation you’ve already had many times with the person and you no longer believe they’re the right person…)
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Thankyou for sharing such a valuable and insightful post. Difficult conversations can be challenging and learning new approaches give us more opportunity to feel confident and have impactful outcomes. I really connect with your statement that ‘Professional dialogue not a personal critique’ This is so relevant when we work closely with our colleagues, gaining respect and trust. We always need to have clear goals of how we need to conversation to progress. By keeping the conversation clear and factual, we can lead with a positive approach. Your discussion of SBI is definitely a technique I will be taking forward, it is simple and effective allowing clarity and direction.
1. Situation — what happened and when
2. Behavior — what the person did (observed, not assumed)Behaviour
3. Impact — how it affected me, the team, or the work
I’m completely aligned with keeping the conversation grounded and feel connected to your approach of working with empathy and respect. Thank you Poonam for sharing! -
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