- This topic has 13 replies, 11 voices, and was last updated 4 months, 2 weeks ago by Goksen Caliskan.
A while ago, when I recently became part of the top leadership team of a company I was working at, I found myself in strong disagreement with my boss on a strategic direction the company was planning to take. To be honest, I’ve never been shy about voicing my views, and in this case, I was deeply convinced the proposed route was flawed. But in that particular meeting, I let my passion get the better of me. As I was a bit stressed, I spoke too fast, got a bit emotional, my voice was a bit shaking and the overall delivery was not as structured as it should have been.
He dismissed me publicly, saying I was being too sensitive, naive, and not thinking strategically enough. That hurt badly, especially because it was said in front of the whole leadership team. I remember having felt humiliated.
But I didn’t want to let it end there.
I asked for a one-on-one, prepared properly this time, and calmly reshared my arguments. I also told him, clearly but respectfully, how his comments had made me feel. I felt proud of myself at least for letting the steam out 🙂
He heard me but in the end, he didn’t listen to what I was trying to say, so he didn’t change his decision (which, sadly and ironically, later backfired and contributed to him losing his position)
I actually learned several lessons: I took his criticism seriously, not because it was fair, but because I wanted to improve myself. I got some professional support to get better at my communication skills and have since learned how to deliver difficult messages with more clarity and confidence, without losing the emotional intelligence that makes me, me 🙂
I also learned that for that kind of strategic topics, it is so important to do a bit lobbying with the members of that group and have one on ones to get allies for that big meeting. Because in that moment, I felt completely alone.
Big lessons learned 🙂
Has anyone else gone through something similar?
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A while ago, when I recently became part of the top leadership team of a company I was working at, I found myself in strong disagreement with my boss on a strategic direction the company was planning to take. To be honest, I’ve never been shy about voicing my views, and in this case, I was deeply convinced the proposed route was flawed. But in that particular meeting, I let my passion get the better of me. As I was a bit stressed, I spoke too fast, got a bit emotional, my voice was a bit shaking and the overall delivery was not as structured as it should have been.
He dismissed me publicly, saying I was being too sensitive, naive, and not thinking strategically enough. That hurt badly, especially because it was said in front of the whole leadership team. I remember having felt humiliated.
But I didn’t want to let it end there.
I asked for a one-on-one, prepared properly this time, and calmly reshared my arguments. I also told him, clearly but respectfully, how his comments had made me feel. I felt proud of myself at least for letting the steam out 🙂
He heard me but in the end, he didn’t listen to what I was trying to say, so he didn’t change his decision (which, sadly and ironically, later backfired and contributed to him losing his position)
I actually learned several lessons: I took his criticism seriously, not because it was fair, but because I wanted to improve myself. I got some professional support to get better at my communication skills and have since learned how to deliver difficult messages with more clarity and confidence, without losing the emotional intelligence that makes me, me 🙂
I also learned that for that kind of strategic topics, it is so important to do a bit lobbying with the members of that group and have one on ones to get allies for that big meeting. Because in that moment, I felt completely alone.
Big lessons learned 🙂
Has anyone else gone through something similar?
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Wow! It takes such high level of responsbility, humility and self-awareness to have decided to ask for a one-on-one after feeling humiliated by him the first time! I aspire to such, really! And what about the part of you taking professional support to help you communicate better. To be honest, you showed more leadership traits than I sometimes can display in a week..haha!
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Appreciate you sharing this, Goksen. I know it’s not easy to speak up in high-stakes situations, especially when emotions are involved and the room feels against you. I haven’t been in the same situation, but your post brought back memories of earlier experiences where I felt unseen or dismissed. What stuck with me most from your story is how you followed up directly, that takes strength. And your point about building support ahead of time is such a valuable reminder! Thanks again for putting this out there!
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Thank you so much for sharing this, Goksen. I really resonated with your experience — especially the part about feeling isolated in the moment and realizing afterward how important it is to have those one-on-one conversations in advance. I’ve been in a similar situation where I disagreed with a decision at a senior level, and while I knew I had valid concerns, I didn’t prepare enough politically — I focused too much on having a solid argument and not enough on building relationships beforehand.
What I’ve come to appreciate is that being passionate and emotionally invested isn’t a weakness — it just needs to be channeled with intention. And learning how to navigate power dynamics, even when you don’t fully agree with the direction, is part of leadership too.
Thanks again for putting this out there — it’s a great reminder that we’re all learning, even at the top. -
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This was such a brave action that you took, Goksen. It was such a learning experience for you and your leader. I have gone through a bit related experience however my boss was such an amazing leader, a good listener with humility who applied tough love on many occasions. She allowed herself to learn despite her high level experience. A number of times I went to her office to calmly and respectfully express my feelings resulting from how I was treated. She could give it time and later call me or invite me to her office only to say “Harriet, I am sorry. I think I treated you in a rude way”. In my capacity at a very junior level, this character from my boss gave me so much power and confidence. In fact, she made a leader in me. She taught me that mistakes are human hence accepting and correcting them is the only way that can keep a positive working environment which empowers everyone.
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Goksen, I see such courage in you.
When I started my career, I wasnt that brave. Difficult people intimidated me, and I would often hold back instead of speaking up. I spent a lot of time second-guessing myself, worried about how I would be perceived.
But somewhere along the way, something shifted. I made a quiet but firm choice. I dont want to be afraid anymore and will not work under fear.
Not of people, not of expressing myself, not of standing for what I believe.
It didn’t happen overnight; the process is slow, but once you decide, you can start seeing the change within you and around you.
And today, when I see the same fire in someone else, I feel – Keep going. Stay brave. Your voice matters. -
I resonated with this Goksen. I had a very different, yet equally unsettling, experience at one of the organisations I worked with. There were moments when I was given important action items and responsibilities without any real discussion or consultation, and then paradoxically blamed for “not understanding things” the way I was expected to. When I sought genuine support, I was told things like “I’ll throw you into the water and then become your boat,” but in practice, that support never really came. However, if anything, these experiences taught me a great deal. Today, as I find myself in multiple leadership positions, managing teams and navigating complex situations, I feel more prepared. It has become easier to handle chaos and emotional turmoil because I’ve gone through it myself. And I believe it has made me a kinder, warmer, and more empathetic leader, the kind I wish I’d had back then.
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I’ve faced similar moments in my career where emotions ran high, and my message got lost in the heat of the moment. Like you, I learned the power of preparation and calm communication, especially when stakes are high. Your insight about building allies beforehand truly resonates—leadership isn’t just what you say in the room but also the relationships you build outside it. Thanks for sharing such an honest lesson!
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Hand on Goksen. I want to know more!!!!! You are not going to get away with saying ‘ i have since learned how to deliver difficult messages with more clarity and confidence, without losing the emotional intelligence that makes me. ‘
I have never learnt to get this right. Please please share your tips.
Love Julia
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