Reflections on a guide call with Olerato Molokomme
My essence is a concept that just three weeks ago felt foreign to me. I was introduced to the concept of the 4Es promptly after joining the Women Leading in Higher Education Expedition at Women Emerging, but something didn’t feel right. What even was that essence? Your personality, your inner self, your identity?
Upon joining WE, I had no idea whether I was joining another “elite environment” where status and skills on paper determine your social value. I stepped into this community with a mindset of “do your best”. But with every next video, podcast, or call, I was realising how much room there was for “not knowing” and exploring yourself in a new, uncompromised way.
The call with Olerato
During my guide call with Olerato, I discovered that you don’t have to put up a farce to make yourself look good in other people’s eyes.
Olerato explained how she saw the seven Essence exist in her daily life. At first, I couldn’t bring myself to resonate. For example, she spoke about spirituality or the Sacred, believing in something bigger than yourself, and Ancestors – how her grandma and community approached leading and tradition.
She is based in Botswana, Africa – a very different place from my central European Poland. But even though our backgrounds are completely different, she showed me how ancestors play into shaping who you are and how you lead.
I saw the impact my mother and my grandma had on me growing up. These learned behaviours aren’t all sugary; some harmed my judgement and caused others to feel criticised. But now I recognise this pattern, and I can change it despite the discomfort change brings.
The reflection
I believe good conversations happen when you’re left with a question racking your brain. These questions for me were:
“Do you have to make up your social profile and pretend you are doing ‘the important thing’ to live a good, valued life? What do you really want from it? Do you want it to energise or drain you?”
Pretending to be “bigger” and “more experienced” than you actually are is a way of “leading” I used to perceive as desired in entrepreneurship and business. It originated from my many observations of how people, especially men, lead.
So after we finished, I asked myself deep down:
“What is the one thing you cannot tolerate and the thing you would gladly commit to in order to change it?”
Personally, I cannot tolerate lies, inauthenticity, and posing as someone you are not. I cannot tolerate fraud and fishy behaviours – it disrupts my stability and belief that people are true to themselves.
Where it came from
Before the meeting, certain parts of my essence seemed admirable, but there were also those that felt very “mediocre”. I did not realise that “ancestors” were the parents and caregivers who put certain rules in my head that now run my life.
It is mainly due to how I was brought up that I have a “mission” in life. Integrity, truth and the desire to help others see beyond the patterns that continuously shape their thinking and life as a whole. This is my life’s calling.
Olerato changed how I look at my current caregivers. They are partially the reason why I try to protect others from the harm habitual responses to stress and discomfort can bring.
Some parts of my childhood like emotional correctness or inconsistent caregivers made me dwell in self-doubt, and learn to adjust my behaviour to the ‘atmosphere’ in the room. My parents accidentally made me develop fears of inadequacy and not-enoughness.
But there is a positive side to it as well. I now want to take full responsibility for how I treat others. And so, I take accountability for my words and actions.
Every interaction shapes how we see ourselves and future encounters with people. I don’t want anyone to experience anxiety, self-shame, or hesitation because I let my emotions run my reactions. I won’t let words turn into debilitating scars.
My philosophy is simple. This has happened to me and should not happen to anyone else I cross paths with.
To sum things up
Ancestors do play a huge part in who I am today – whether I like it or not. I am very perceptive and critical of my environment – which I honestly would rather do without. I realised I am furious that I have certain behaviours that I have been solidifying all these years.
The moment a major decision is to be made, I can’t help but hesitate, second-guess, and go over my choices again and again. I then create a narrative that because of my sloppy choices my teammates don’t want to work with me. Their passion was never there. And I am all alone again.
I am done pretending that leading a team is easy. With my ‘backpack’ of volatile childhood experiences I try to adjust and soothe everyone’s emotional state. Sometimes to keep peace, sometimes to get the work going.
I realised just how much it shows up in how I lead. My credibility drops, self-belief falters – but the worst part is that my team’s trust degrades.
But now I have the awareness from understanding my Essence, and I am excited to see how the Expedition can give me tools to redirect my leading.
So what has this guide call taught me?
- I do not have to be an A-performer to recognise my value in life.
- Ancestors are an essential part of my Essence just as much as Nature and Trauma are.
- Though the impact of treatment I received as a child is huge, I can choose to change my learned behaviours.
A practical task for you
Dear, if you have come so far… let’s close this article with a practical task.
Ask yourself, “What do I want my leading journey to be like? Stressful, driven-by-need or done in alignment with what I believe is right?”
And “Why am I willing to devote so much energy and time to the thing I am trying to build?”
About the Author:
Amelia Zygmunt is an Explorer on the Students Leading in Higher Education Expedition. She is a soon-to-be Liberal Arts and Sciences student at the University College Maastricht in the Netherlands. She overcame some ED challenges that spanned her early adolescence , which taught her how to cherish and lead a more authentic and fulfilling life. She identified her “purpose” in making others aware of their ‘dormant’ potential and leading them to a ‘change’ that positively impacts their life. She has an inner urge to be visible and valued as a member of global society.
