This is Part 2 of Ashley’s closing reflection on her Women Leading in Higher Education expedition. Missed Part 1? Read it here.
I Am Allowed to Be Proud of Myself
This is Part 2 of Ashley’s closing reflection on her Women Leading in Higher Education expedition. Missed Part 1? Read it here.
During my expedition, someone asked me whether I had ever chosen myself, and that conversation also made me realise how much I downplay myself.
I have spent a lot of time feeling like I should simply be grateful to be in certain spaces rather than recognising that I earned the right to be there too.
I do not need to feel less significant than the people around me.
At the same time, that does not mean believing I am better than anyone else. Nobody is better than me, and I am not better than anybody else. We are all people trying to figure things out, grow, and create lives that mean something to us.
I was also told that I do not always have to be humble to the point where I hide my accomplishments.
That does not mean becoming arrogant or bragging about everything I do.
It means I can acknowledge when I worked hard for something.
I can say, “I did that.”
I can accept a compliment without immediately explaining why what I accomplished was actually not that impressive.
I can celebrate a milestone without finding a way to make it smaller.
Maybe part of taking up space is simply allowing yourself to recognise that you earned the space you are standing in.
The Little Voice in My Head
Most importantly, my conversations with my Guides made me reflect on that little voice of doubt that can get into your head.
Saying “don’t let it get to you” is much easier than actually doing it.
I know that.
But I am learning that those thoughts do not determine my knowledge, my potential, my experiences, or who I am as a whole person.
Those thoughts are not me.
I want to become better at recognising when self-doubt is starting to interfere with my dreams and goals and learning how to challenge it before it starts making decisions for me.
Because sometimes that voice tells me I am not ready.
Sometimes it tells me somebody else deserves the opportunity more.
Sometimes it tells me I am being selfish for choosing myself.
Sometimes it tells me not to ask the question, not to speak up, not to celebrate too loudly, or not to take up too much space.
I do not expect that voice to disappear overnight.
But I also do not want it controlling where my life goes.
Do It Scared
One mindset I want to carry with me is to simply do it scared.
Feeling comfortable all the time might feel peaceful in the moment, but if I stay too comfortable for too long, I may not be growing in the areas where I actually want to change. Feeling uncomfortable when I try something new does not always mean I am doing something wrong. Sometimes it means I am stretching beyond what I already know and allowing myself to grow.
I have also questioned whether being too compromising is a bad trait of mine. I do not think compromise itself is a weakness. Being willing to listen, adapt, and meet people halfway can be an important part of how we lead and of our relationships.
The problem comes when I am always the person moving, sacrificing, or giving something up while everyone else stays exactly where they are.
I am learning that compromise should not require me to abandon myself.
At the end of the day, one of the most important things for me is being at peace with myself. I cannot control every opinion, reaction, or judgement that comes from the people around me. I can listen to what is useful, reflect when I need to, and continue growing, but I do not have to give every outside voice power over me.
Not everything deserves my attention.
The more secure I become in who I am and what I stand for, the less I need other people’s opinions to determine how I see myself.
I want to learn how to protect that peace while still being open to growth.
I can be uncomfortable without losing myself.
I can be scared and still move forward.
I can compromise without disappearing.
And I can care about what other people think without allowing their thoughts to become the deciding factor in how I live my life.
Other People Do Not Get to Define Me
Other people’s perspectives of me do not define who I am.
The way someone sees me is shaped by their own experiences, expectations, and understanding, but that does not make their opinion the full truth about who I am.
I know my intentions.
I know my values.
I know the work I put in.
And I know the person I am trying to become.
I can listen to feedback without allowing every opinion to become part of my identity. I can take constructive criticism seriously without treating every negative perception of me as something I need to fix.
Not everyone will understand me, and I am learning that they do not have to.
Protecting my peace does not mean ignoring opportunities to grow. To me, it means becoming more intentional about what I allow to have power over me. I want to be able to hear another person’s perspective, decide whether there is something I can learn from it, and then continue moving forward without allowing it to determine my entire sense of self.
Becoming the Person I Want to Be
These lessons are not things I only want to carry into my future career. I want them to shape how I show up in my personal life too. I want to be a role model for my siblings and the people around me. I want my siblings to see that they do not need to know everything before trying something new. I want them to know that making mistakes, asking questions, changing direction, and admitting that you do not have an answer are all normal parts of growing.
I want them to understand that kindness does not require constantly putting yourself last.
But I also realise that if I want to teach them those things, I have to practise them myself.
I cannot tell someone else to chase their dreams while constantly giving mine away.
I cannot tell someone else that they deserve to be heard while being afraid to use my own voice.
And I cannot teach somebody else that they deserve to take up space while constantly trying to make myself smaller.
My Guides did not teach me how to lead perfectly. If anything, they taught me that there probably is no such thing.
They showed me that leading can look like being scared and doing it anyway. It can look like listening to others without losing your own voice. It can mean admitting that you are still learning. It can mean entering uncomfortable spaces and trusting that the experience itself will help you grow.
And sometimes leading can simply mean finally choosing yourself.
One of the biggest things I am taking away from this entire experience is that I am allowed to take up space.
I am allowed to celebrate what I accomplish.
I am allowed to ask questions.
I am allowed to speak up.
I am allowed to pursue opportunities.
I am allowed to want things for myself.
Choosing my own dreams does not mean I care about the people around me any less.
I have spent a lot of time making myself smaller for the comfort of other people. Moving forward, I want to become someone who can still be caring, generous, and supportive without disappearing in the process.
Those are the perspectives I want to carry with me, not only into whatever career I eventually build, but into the kind of person, sister, friend, and role model I want to become, and the way I want to lead.
About this Author
Ashley Marroquin is a first-year nursing student at Queen’s University in Kingston, Ontario. She is passionate about leadership, advocacy, and supporting others, with a particular interest in working with children in the future. Growing up as the eldest in her family has shaped how she approaches leadership, helping her develop a strong sense of responsibility, resilience, and care for others. She is excited to continue growing, connecting with others, and exploring her own approach to leadership through the Students Leading in Higher Education Expedition.
