Call 3 Summary; Expedition for Women Philanthropists

On this call we looked into the Elements that emerge from the pieces of Essence, Explorers identified over the last two months. 

Up to now our exploring has been about how Explorers lead generally. Now we are focusing specifically on how Explorers lead as philanthropists. So we addressed three questions:

1. Why do we lead as well as give?
2. What Elements need jettisoning when leading as a philanthropist?
3. What Elements need reframing when leading as a philanthropist?

One Explorer committed to drafting the answer to the first why question, drawing from fellow Explorers ideas. As we discussed this why question, a view emerged that ‘only by leading as well as giving can philanthropists help to change the paradigm rather than just prop it up’ a small group of Explorers committed to writing up their thinking behind this.

The jettison list was then long:

1. Good girl: The instinct to obey, to stay quiet and not draw attention. The urge to be quiet, to people please.
2. Minimising Me: The instinct to self erase. The temptation to wait for others to produce light which you can then reflect, rather than radiate your own internal light. 
3. Self doubt: The feeling of not being good enough, making things complex almost to impress people, over apologising and over explaining as you add more and more with every sentence.
4. Intervening: The wish to control and tidy, rather than let go and trust others.
5. Operating solo: Shying away from – or not recognising the need for – partnership and collaboration and the time to reach them, thinking ‘it’s quicker if I just do it. I prefer to go it alone’.
6. Jumping to action: Being over solutions driven, rushing to them rather than reflecting, questioning listening and building. One Explorer told us that her mother’s words were always in her head ‘it’s all talk talk talk and no action’.
7. The sense of advocacy fatigue: That the problems are so great and complex that there is almost no point in anything.
8. Falling for flattery: Finding yourself doing something that doesn’t resonate because someone tempted you into it.
9. Taking things too personally: Being defensive notably with people you feel vulnerable with.
10. Being everything to everyone: The tendency to create dependency.
11. Too attached: So you can’t see the wood from the trees. 
12. Blindness: Somehow language can get in the way of understanding.
13. Seeking comfort: The urge to have people like you, around you, being uncomfortable with not knowing, getting attached to your own ways.
14. Impatience: Pushing too hard, wanting to see results in your lifetime.
15. Embarrassment about motherness: Switching this powerful instinct off.
16. Looking good: Not recognising that presence is much deeper than looks.

Then the reframe list:

1. Privilege:Not as a source of guilt but instead as responsibility and almost an obligation, framing privilege as a joy of service.
2. Emotionality:Not as a lack of composure or a time waster but instead as a source of empathy which helps you to understand where pain is.
3. Listening: Not as inaction or lack of presence but instead as a source of knowledge and calm, recognising that ‘silence speaks’ too. 
4. Imposter syndrome: Not as a weakness but instead as a source of humility, an indication that you are doing something that takes you out of your comfort zone, deciding to simply do your part ( big or small).
5. Spending on self: Not as self indulgence but instead as investing in self for renewal and sustainability.
6. Humility: Not as lack of confidence but instead a sign of significant confidence.
7. Questioning: Not as expressing suspicion but instead as deep curiosity and willingness to learn.
8. Changing mind: Not as indecision but instead as commitment to getting it right.
9. Instinct not to draw attention to self: Not as ‘minimising me’ but instead as way to empower others.
10. Conflict: Not as something to avoid but as an opportunity to re-align.
11. Looking good: Not being about power but instead as having leadership presence and feeling good about self.
12. Ancestors: Not about the past but instead as the future, a legacy.

Explorers are now working on Elements that need combining, looking into which are the most important and which are the tough test to combine when you are a philanthropist.

About the Author

Julia Middleton is the host of the Women Emerging podcast and a best-selling author of “If that’s leading, I’m in” as well as two previous books: “Leading beyond Authority” and “Cultural Intelligence”. She is deeply committed to helping people from all backgrounds to find their own approach to leading. In 2020, Julia launched Women Emerging and in 2022 she lead an expedition of 24 women to find ‘an approach to leading that resonates with women’. She now leads expeditions with women all over the world based on 4Es methodology, discovered in the first expedition.

Prior to that, Julia was founder and, for over thirty years, Chief Executive of Common Purpose, which grew to become one of the biggest leadership development organisations in the world. Julia is also an Ambassador for the Aurora Prize based in Armenia, on the boards of Alfanar Venture Philanthropy in the Arab World and Equality Now, which operates globally, and on the Advisory Councils of Fundacao Dom Cabral in Brazil and Synapse in Pakistan. Born in London and brought up in New York, Julia was educated at French Lycées and graduated from the London School of Economics. She is married, with five children and seven grandchildren.