As managers, it’s often tricky to draw the line between being friendly with your team and maintaining the boundaries needed to manage effectively. If you become too friendly, they might not take you seriously enough or exploit that friendship by delaying work, delivering poor quality or slacking in general. If you’re too authoritative, you risk creating a team that feels disconnected from you, uncomfortable bringing up issues and ultimately, an overall toxic environment.
It becomes even trickier as a product manager, someone who sits at the intersection of multiple teams, leading, managing, and driving them but ironically not being their direct lead. We have to build healthy working relationships with developers that allow us to convince them to get a four-week job done in two or deliver a feature they initially said “absolutely not” to. This balance of friendship and authority enables constructive brainstorming sessions while driving realistic timelines. No Dave, you may not take the entire sprint to add a refresh button to the UI.
So how can you maintain a friendship without losing authority?
As product managers, you can share feedback, good or bad, without the hierarchy that comes with being someone’s manager which often adds resistance. Celebrating small and big wins while giving constructive criticism helps build a solid foundation with your team. Be open and approachable during for example the design process so the team feels comfortable sharing ideas, but don’t get too casual as that can be considered a signal that it’s okay to start cutting corners.
And how do you maintain authority while staying approachable?
Product management is a people-facing role, you’re constantly engaging with customers, sales, marketing, and technical teams. While collaboration is key, you’re ultimately responsible for the outcomes. That can be taxing and may lead to frustration, especially in back and forths with the technical team. Avoid emotional reactions at all costs. It’s your job to say “no,” but say it with reasoning and context. Not just blind authority, “do it because I said so” only creates tension and long-term resentment.
When I transitioned to a lead position, one of my closest friends at work became part of my reporting team. At first, it was a bit of a challenge navigating friendship and work. I couldn’t call her out on things that I wouldn’t hesitate to point out to others, out of fear of ruining the friendship, but at the same time, I bore the brunt of it when work wasn’t done on time or as per expectations. It resulted in some very difficult conversations, but we were eventually able to find our rhythm by scheduling structured syncs, setting goals, and demarcating professional and personal boundaries.
In another instance, a developer flat out told me that a feature I had designed was useless and added no value to the product. My first instinct was to feel defensive, but I quickly realized it was better to listen to his perspective and share my reasoning and thought process behind it. I’m not sure he was completely convinced, but it definitely gave him a sense that his opinion mattered, that he was part of the process, and that we were operating on openness, trust and respect rather than hierarchy.
While every product manager has their own way of balancing friendship and authority, it’s clear that this balance is critical, not only for team success and achieving goals but also for creating a healthy, thriving environment where everyone produces their best work.
About the author:
Aleena Ahmad is a Senior Product Manager with an engineering background and a keen interest in building meaningful, user-driven products. Outside of work, she actively volunteers for women’s empowerment initiatives: writing blogs, mentoring aspiring professionals, hosting masterclasses, and currently leading the Power in Her Words podcast series that amplifies women’s voices in tech and beyond.
