We had a great community call today with Neha Bagaria, Founder & CEO, HerKey; and Melati Wijsen, Founder & CEO, YOUTHTOPIA. We talked a lot about trust. I picked up so much from listening to Melati and Neha. The highlights for me of the conversation were:
- It took me a long time to realise that what I see isn’t obvious to all’ — that a lot of leadership is doing the hard work to build understanding, to communicate the why; that a lot of leadership is actually a trust-building exercise.
- ‘You have to start by trusting yourself’ and then work outwards to ‘trusting your team’. You have to trust your team to do great things. Sure, you set values and guidelines, but ‘if you tighten the guidelines too much you kill creativity.’
- I shared that I think we should use the word trustworthy more than trust. Somehow trust goes with the demand ‘you need to trust me’ and trustworthy turns the tables and goes with ‘I need to make myself worthy of your trust’.
- We pooled our thinking on three things that erode trust for us. We came up with (1) stealing another person’s credit, (2) not being authentic, (3) banging on about lofty dreams and never making things happen.
- We talked about the journey of leading: how in the early days you feel you have to fit in, dress differently, speak differently. Once you get through this stage and stop mimicking others, you almost go back to try to find the young, original you. But the best thing is to step forward into who you have become.
- We all laughed at people who want us to become less passionate as we become more successful. As if! But I poured a little cold water on the total belief that passion is great. My experience is that it sometimes causes blindness to other people’s passions.
- We were asked if it was easier to build trust from nothing or to rebuild it when it’s lost. We all agreed that rebuilding is the toughest. I especially agreed because when it needs rebuilding, it is usually because I have got something badly wrong. So I don’t just have to rebuild trust; I have to forgive myself as well.
- Another question was about being a young person leading a team with people who are more experienced or skilled than you. The advice was clear: (1) trust that you are in the role for a good reason, (2) don’t reveal your internal demons or imposter syndrome, (3) lead by example, pull your sleeves up and show people how the task is done, (4) passion is not enough; if you lack skills, then face up to your gap, address it, and upskill yourself.
- The last question? ‘Is trust fragile?’ I think we all nodded to some extent. I am not totally sure, though; maybe it’s pretty robust. The issue is that when it goes, it goes very, very fast; it almost vanishes in a moment. So when you are leading and you get things wrong, which you will, apologise just as fast and change your approach even faster.
About the Author
Julia Middleton is the host of the Women Emerging podcast and a best-selling author of “If that’s leading, I’m in” as well as two previous books: “Leading beyond Authority” and “Cultural Intelligence”. She is deeply committed to helping people from all backgrounds to find their own approach to leading. In 2020, Julia launched Women Emerging and in 2022 she lead an expedition of 24 women to find ‘an approach to leading that resonates with women’. She now leads expeditions with women all over the world based on 4Es methodology, discovered in the first expedition.
Prior to that, Julia was founder and, for over thirty years, Chief Executive of Common Purpose, which grew to become one of the biggest leadership development organisations in the world.
Julia is also an Ambassador for the Aurora Prize based in Armenia, on the boards of Alfanar Venture Philanthropy in the Arab World and Equality Now, which operates globally, and on the Advisory Councils of Fundacao Dom Cabral in Brazil and Synapse in Pakistan. Born in London and brought up in New York, Julia was educated at French Lycées and graduated from the London School of Economics. She is married, with five children and lots of grandchildren.
