Editor’s note: In this conversation, Lara reflects on the quiet, everyday acts that shape her leadership from challenging unspoken assumptions to creating spaces where others feel seen and heard. Expect an honest exploration of subtle influence, courage in small moments, and the power of human connection.
What small, consistent actions do you take that help shift norms or open doors for other women?
Words carry a lot of weight for me. What we say out loud has a way of shaping what becomes real. It’s a small thing, but I make a point of assuming it’s a woman. For example, when someone mentions their boss or a colleague, my follow-up questions naturally sound like: “What did she ask you to do?” or “What did she say?” If it’s not a woman, people correct me. That moment matters. It forces me to actively interrupt the usual, often unspoken, assumptions.
Will this open doors for other women? I honestly don’t know. What I do know is that I’ve been on the other side too. I’ve assumed it was a man, been corrected, and realised how deep-rooted sexism can be in myself as well. By doing this consistently, I “train” myself to notice and unlearn those patterns. And maybe, in a quiet way, it nudges others to pause too. Sometimes it’s about taking responsibility for your own change, because the system won’t do it for you.
Everyday leadership often happen quietly and without recognition. What motivates you to keep showing up and leading in these subtle but powerful ways?
For me it’s often very small moments. Sitting at a bar with friends, around the family table, listening to a podcast, or reading a book and suddenly feeling understood. Those conversations where someone says, “I feel like this” or “I think like this,” and you blurt out, “me too!” without even thinking. That’s when I feel most at ease. I know it’s also a bit of a bubble, and that’s not always productive, I’m aware of that. But those moments give me joy, and more importantly, energy.
It’s in that sense of connection that I find the drive to start things or keep going. That’s why I go out of my way to create those spaces myself. Through the book and conversation group Stanza, by reaching out to people just to meet, to talk, to listen. I really love hosting and bringing people together. And over the past few months I’ve realised that’s where my leadership sits for now. In creating places where people feel seen, heard, and a little less alone, and then letting things grow from there.
How have you seen your everyday leadership inspire or empower other women, whether in your team, community, or personal circles?
I’m not very good at this yet, and I’m still figuring it out. But I grew up with parents who always said something like “what do you have to lose?” You already have a no; a yes is something you might gain (a literal translation of a Dutch saying that’s been said so much in my household it’s engraved in my brain forever). So sometimes I just do. I ask. I try, even when it feels uncomfortable, and I push my own boundaries.
I’ve also learned that human contact really matters. Showing up in person, not doing everything by email or over the phone, letting people see your face and hear your voice. I know, networking actually does help, even though I, and many people around me, hate the word. It’s overused and often feels empty. For me, it’s not about networking for the sake of networking, but about authentic, purposeful contact. By doing that, I’ve managed to secure partnerships and opportunities that once felt almost out of reach. And I’ve noticed that this way of acting makes things feel more possible for others around me too. Seeing someone try, regardless of the outcome, can make it easier to try yourself too.
About the Author
Lara Loi is a graduate of Cultural Diplomacy, with a background in Conflict & Development and Political Sciences, and is deeply interested in the intersection of culture, dialogue, and leadership. She is an Explorer with the expedition for women leading in Brussels.
