Elements are functional: they are the way in which my Essence expresses and organizes itself in the world. I see these Elements as working hypotheses – the distinct expressions, capacities, and organizing principles through which Essence becomes visible, actionable, and impactful.
The reflections below have not emerged in isolation. They were shaped through conversations, tensions and insights shared across the different group calls. In many ways, the process itself has reinforced one of my working principles that:
..the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. Individual insight matters, but collective reflection deepens understanding. This deeply resonates with me because my default position is to stay solo. It is my daughter who has helped me move along this journey toward collectiveness in my philanthropy – Kudos to you girl!
My mother says I was born with impatience in my blood and that it is my first name. I laugh and say- ‘It is not my fault – I got it from you!’ But after a certain age, one must take responsibility for one’s actions and inactions alike, regardless of what one has modelled or inherited. I am a very impatient human being, yet I also value respect deeply and I find myself constantly toggling between the two. I stand very much as a work in progress
A word on Essence
From my earlier reflections, the central parts of my Essence appear to be:
- Motherness / Beingness
- Responsibility
- Intuition and deep sensing
- Movement, rhythm, and the arts
- Structural simplicity
- Service and consciousness
At the heart of both my work and my philanthropy is a desire and an intention to raise consciousness – in individuals, organizations, homes, and communities. I see myself as a channel through which people can realize their potential and align more deeply with purpose, vision, and impact. Ultimately, it is all in service of building a better world – the pursuit of a sublime and pure love for one’s fellow human being. Cliché perhaps, but deeply true for me.
Being Comfortable with Being.
One of the strongest reflections for me has been the importance of Being. I worked and still work very hard at this.
Magical moments often emerge not from appearing clever, but from presence, listening, and curiosity. There is less need to demonstrate value and more need to remain attentive to what is unfolding.
This is what I move toward:
- quality over quantity,
- discernment over performance,
- listening over positioning.
At the same time, reflection without execution has little value for me. I blame my mother for the shouting monkey that still sits on my back – “Talk, talk, talk and no action” -and that quickly begins to create fatigue in me.
Motherness in Action.
Motherness, for me, is the ability to create environments where others can grow, think, and become.
This expresses itself in my leadership, coaching, relationships, and philanthropy.
I also recognize how deeply context shapes action. It is not merely a consideration, but often the bedrock upon which decisions, behaviour, communication and outcomes rest. Context is a powerful driver and for me, the starting point of any meaningful consideration.
Musimbi Kanyoro’s group further reinforced something I already knew – effective philanthropy cannot be separated from cultural, emotional, political, and environmental realities.
In many Nigerian contexts, communication is layered, loud, communal, and emotionally textured. One cannot always speak softly with noise in the background. The ability to toggle:
- between softness and directness,
- brevity and expansiveness,
- diplomacy and firmness
is not weakness but strength.
I now see more clearly that I have had the privilege of working within both collective and individual philanthropic structures: within committees, governance systems, and spaces of collective accountability; and independently, where decisions rest solely on my own principles and judgement. Both spaces have taught me different things about stewardship, power, and responsibility.
Intuition, Instinct & Calibration.
I am big on intuition! I distinguish between intuition as Essence and instinct as Element. We need both – and they speak differently.
Intuition is the quiet signal. It arrives before analysis, before language, before certainty. Instinct is its more embodied counterpart – rooted in lived experience, sharpened through reflection. Where intuition perceives, instinct responds.
Calibration helps refine our perception and adjusts for bias. Without calibration, intuition risks becoming assumption; instinct risks becoming reflex.
One of my enduring elements is also structural simplicity: My business partner opened my eyes to this about 20 years ago. My brain has a way of moving into complex rhythms- that is its nature and I recognize when it has gone off on its own tangent. I have a monkey on my back shouting “Must you think everything so complex!”
I now value the ability to reduce complexity without losing depth. This is not merely aesthetic preference but a disciplined way of thinking.
“Simple is key; simplistic is a crime.”
Privilege – Responsibility as Agency.
Responsibility remains one of my strongest internal drivers.
Not responsibility as burden, but as agency: “I hold this space regardless.”
This extends to money, networks, influence, and trust. Hard-earned resources should not be wasted and must be accounted for responsibly. I am big on this!
Our Guide Musimbi reminded us that privilege is multifaceted:
- money,
- education,
- family background,
- access,
- networks,
- and opportunity.
Privilege itself is not negative. The danger lies when privilege becomes entitlement. Privilege, in our view, carries responsibility:
- responsibility to advocate,
- responsibility to steward resources wisely,
- responsibility to use voice ethically,
- responsibility not to waste opportunities, networks, or trust.
I take this very seriously.
Humility & Service
A local politician recently said something that resonated deeply: that we inhabit an environment increasingly hostile to quiet virtue where humility is read as weakness, compassion as foolishness, and prudent stewardship as stinginess. He named what I have long felt – that leadership is not about dominance or privilege, but about service, sacrifice, and helping others rise.
This tension is real, and it is personal. In philanthropy and social impact work, honest contribution can sometimes feel merely tolerated rather than genuinely valued. There are moments when integrity feels like a liability rather than a foundation.
And yet – I remain. That, perhaps, is its own statement. One of my strongest elements may be precisely this: the refusal to abandon my principles simply because the environment does not reward them. Not stubbornness. Not naivety. But a considered and deliberate commitment to what I believe stewardship actually requires.
JETTISONED — What I Have Consciously Left Behind
Advocacy Fatigue (without execution)
I grew tired of endless conversation without movement. Previously, when things lacked clarity, I would either not speak at all or speak up and move on. Now I spend more time seeking understanding before committing energy, resources, or networks.
But what has to absolutely shift is:
- questioning that is challenging
- toward questioning with curiosity and discernment.
I laugh, because only yesterday, I committed this crime again. It is a hard call for me.
Guilt.
Susan Whitehead’s group contributed strongly to my reflections around how I had handled guilt, self-permission, and the emotional complexity surrounding wealth and giving. For years, I felt guilty spending money on myself. I would agonize over purchases, delay decisions endlessly, and often walk away entirely.
That guilt got jettisoned over 25 years ago. What remains, I cannot truly qualify as guilt, but perhaps as a continuous reflection on the different decisions I make – and learning to be at peace with them.
I understand that sustainable giving cannot emerge from self-erasure. There must be balance between duty-driven giving and values-aligned giving. I can enjoy my life now!
Humility / “Good Girl”
The discussion around “being a good girl” resonated deeply with me.
I actually like being a good girl. However, I recognize that women often unconsciously minimize themselves:
- through language,
- through withdrawal,
- through over-accommodation,
- through making themselves smaller.
At the same time, I know that humility does not require invisibility. Perhaps what needs reframing is not humility itself, but humility without self-erasure:
- kindness with boundaries,
- softness with voice,
- strength without aggression.
There are moments when I respond gently and others when I growl. Environment matters. One behaviour cannot work in every context.
Flattery, Reflection, and Leadership
Susan’s reflections on moving from reflexive to reflective action connected deeply with something I learnt early in my married life.
People sometimes approach through flattery – telling you why you are perfect for a role, why your presence is essential, why only you can help. My husband taught me very early to pause and ask: “Why me?”
Not from paranoia, but from discernment. Flattery short-circuits reflection. And reflection is what protects you from being positioned rather than chosen.
This is a discipline I continue to practice. Reflection creates distance. Distance creates clarity. Clarity allows conviction and conviction determines where I genuinely place my energy.
It also shapes how I evaluate leadership in philanthropy. When assessing where to give, she also advocates that we look first at the people at the helm:
- Can they lead?
- Can they build?
- Do they have imagination?
- Do they have integrity?
Mission without capable leadership rarely produces meaningful impact.
REFRAMED — What I Have Not Abandoned, But Transformed
Privilege
From: something uncomfortable, socially charged, potentially guilt-laden
To: stewardship, responsibility, ethical obligation.
The “Good Girl”
From: compliance
To: kindness with boundaries, softness with self-respect, visibility.
Philanthropy itself
From: emotionally driven responsiveness, advocacy fatigue
To: strategic stewardship, reflective engagement, leadership assessment, alignment, accountability.
Wealth and self-spending
From: spending on myself as guilt, self-care as indulgence
To: permission, balance, sustainability, wellbeing.
WHAT I AM STILL REFRAMING
Humility – in progress
From: invisibility, over-accommodation
To: grounded confidence, quiet strength, humility with voice.
Questioning – in progress
From: suspicion, frustration, reactive intensity
To: curiosity, discernment, stewardship, responsible due diligence.
Conscious Evolution
One of my strongest concluding reflections is that life involves constant evolution.
There is a distinction between passive evolution – where life simply happens to us and conscious evolution, where we intentionally participate in who we are becoming.
Nandita’s reflections on duality resonated strongly with me. I have found myself looking at life through that lens:
- softness and strength,
- humility and visibility,
- instinct and pragmatism,
- individuality and collectivity,
- certainty and doubt,
- giving and boundaries.
Duality allows complexity without forcing contradiction.
At present, I believe my strongest elements in philanthropy remain:
- Intuition,
- responsibility,
- discernment,
- stewardship,
- structural simplicity,
- and the ability to hold both the big picture and the small picture simultaneously.
This reflection is by no means exhaustive, but extremely helpful as it represents a more conscious understanding that there is still so much work to be done and striving never ceases.
About the Author
Lagos, Nigeria is home and has been the anchor of Dudun Peterson’s life and much of her work in human development. She also has a home in the UK and increasingly finds herself moving across places and contexts — sometimes simply “upping and going” when family calls. One of her grandchildren lives in Paris, and she hopes, over time, to turn some of these movements into moments of retreat. Living across cultures and systems has become a familiar rhythm rather than an exception.
Dudun brings over 40 years of experience across applied psychology, education, and human development, with more than 20 years as a practising executive coach, working with individuals, teams, boards, organisations, and partnerships in the executive and leadership space. She remains a lifelong student of how people and systems experience the world — how they think, feel, make meaning, and respond. She sees human systems as living, intelligent entities, each with their own patterns, memories, fears, aspirations, intuition, and survival mechanisms. For Dudun, leadership emerges from understanding these patterns rather than imposing solutions. Her approach to leadership is fluid, responsive to context, culture, and the human system in front of her.
