213. What Do a Grandmother And a Family Court Judge Have In Common?

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In the third episode of the series on Grandmotherness, Julia speaks with Marianna about how this stage of life reshapes the way we listen, create fairness, and support others while leading.

Marianna draws a powerful parallel between her role as a family judge and her experience as a grandmother. In both, she explains, one thing matters deeply: people need to feel that they have been heard. Whether in a courtroom or with a child, the outcome may not always be what someone wants — but if the process feels fair and they feel listened to, they are far more likely to accept it.

The conversation explores the difference between focusing on the decision and focusing on the process. While it is tempting to aim for the perfect answer, Marianna reflects that what often matters more is whether people feel they had the space to express themselves and be understood.

They also discuss the shift from an adversarial mindset to a problem-solving approach. Instead of taking sides or proving a point, the focus becomes understanding what is really going on beneath the surface and working together to find a way forward.

Time emerges as a critical theme. Marianna reflects on how pressure and urgency can cause people to feel flustered, unheard, and defensive. Giving people time — to speak, to think, to respond — changes the quality of both the conversation and the outcome.

Finally, she speaks about selflessness — removing ego from the interaction and focusing fully on the person in front of you. In grandmotherness, she explains, the focus shifts entirely to the other person. And in leading, this shift can transform how people experience being supported, challenged, and understood.

This episode is a reminder that leading is not only about making decisions. It is about creating a process where people feel heard, treated fairly, and able to move forward — even when the answer is not what they hoped for.

About the Guest:

Marianna Falconna

Marianna was called to the Bar in 1977, where she specialised in family law. She was appointed a Recorder in 1999 and became a Deputy High Court Judge in 2002. That same year, she took silk, becoming a Queen’s Counsel (QC). In 2012, she was appointed as a full-time judge, and in 2014 she became a Designated Family Judge. Bencher of the Inner Temple since 2009. She retired from the bench in 2024.

In addition to her judicial career, Marianna has been actively involved in public service. She served as a governor of a local school for 20 years, worked as an AIDS ambassador, and was a trustee for the Galleries of Justice in Nottingham. She also contributed, alongside others, to a report on the rights of children in military custody.

About the Host

Julia Middleton

Julia Middleton is the host of the Women Emerging podcast and a best-selling author of “If that’s leading, I’m in” as well as two previous books: “Leading beyond Authority” and “Cultural Intelligence”. She is deeply committed to helping people from all backgrounds to find their own approach to leading. In 2020, Julia launched Women Emerging and in 2022 she lead an expedition of 24 women to find ‘an approach to leading that resonates with women’. She now leads expeditions with women all over the world based on 4Es methodology, discovered in the first expedition.

Prior to that, Julia was founder and, for over thirty years, Chief Executive of Common Purpose, which grew to become one of the biggest leadership development organisations in the world.
Julia is also an Ambassador for the Aurora Prize based in Armenia, on the boards of Alfanar Venture Philanthropy in the Arab World and Equality Now, which operates globally, and on the Advisory Councils of Fundacao Dom Cabral in Brazil and Synapse in Pakistan. Born in London and brought up in New York, Julia was educated at French Lycées and graduated from the London School of Economics. She is married, with five children and lots of grandchildren.