The first episode in this new series of conversations around The Devil Wears Prada asks a deceptively uncomfortable question: was Miranda Priestly actually ruthless, or was she simply clear, disciplined, and deeply committed to excellence?
In this conversation, Julia Middleton and Phaedra Ellis-Lamkins unpack why the word “ruthless” creates such discomfort, especially when applied to women. Together, they explore the tension between kindness and mission-focus, the pressure to be “nice”, and why some of the most effective people are often misunderstood when they make difficult decisions.
1. Ruthlessness Is Often About Commitment, Not Cruelty
One of the strongest ideas in the episode is that ruthlessness is frequently confused with meanness.
Phaedra argues that people who are deeply committed to a mission are sometimes labelled ruthless simply because they stay focused on what matters most. She repeatedly returns to the importance of discipline, clarity, and serious intent.
As she explains:
“The mission is always my main thing. My goal is not to get distracted.”
The conversation makes a clear distinction between being cruel for personal power and making hard decisions in service of something larger than yourself.
2. Mission-Focused Decision-Making Sometimes Requires Difficult Choices
Throughout the conversation, Julia and Phaedra discuss moments where difficult decisions had to be made quickly.
Julia reflects on asking a disruptive board member to resign because his behaviour was damaging the organisation’s mission. Phaedra responds by saying this did not sound mean to her at all. It sounded necessary.
The episode repeatedly challenges the assumption that avoiding discomfort is always the kinder option.
Phaedra argues that delaying difficult conversations, especially around underperformance, can damage culture, weaken teams, and ultimately hurt the mission itself.
This is where the conversation becomes less about ruthlessness and more about responsibility.
3. Leading with Clarity Is Different from Being Mean
One of the most important distinctions in the episode is the difference between clarity and cruelty.
Phaedra has little interest in being “nice” if niceness means constantly managing emotions, avoiding feedback, or softening every difficult truth. But she strongly distinguishes that from being intentionally hurtful.
This becomes especially clear when discussing The Devil Wears Prada itself.
For Phaedra, Miranda Priestly crosses a line because the behaviour often feels personal, petty, and self-serving rather than mission-driven. Forgetting names, humiliating people, or being dismissive for effect does not feel connected to a larger purpose.
The conversation suggests that people can be disciplined, demanding, and intensely focused without becoming mean-spirited.
4. Serious Intent Requires Focus and Discipline
Julia introduces the French idea of being sérieux — not simply serious in personality, but deeply serious about a mission or objective.
That seriousness often requires:
- focus
- discipline
- speed
- momentum
- difficult trade-offs
Phaedra openly acknowledges that she is not trying to be universally liked. Her priority is effectiveness and impact.
At the same time, the conversation also acknowledges the emotional cost of this approach. Julia reflects on how some people she worked with still see her as too ruthless, even if they understood the reasoning behind her decisions.
The tension never fully disappears.
5. Builders Stay Focused on What They Are Trying to Create
Towards the end of the conversation, Phaedra introduces an idea that quietly reframes the entire discussion: the difference between builders and people driven primarily by image.
Builders are willing to:
- take difficult decisions
- tolerate discomfort
- stay disciplined
- keep moving towards a mission
What matters most to them is whether something meaningful is being built.
This is why the conversation repeatedly returns to the question of intent. Ruthlessness in service of ego feels destructive. Ruthlessness in service of building something larger can look very different.
What Phaedra Leaves Us Thinking About
- Ruthlessness and cruelty are not the same thing
- Mission-focused work sometimes requires uncomfortable decisions
- Clarity is often kinder than avoidance
- Discipline and focus can be misunderstood as harshness
- Being liked is not always the same as being effective
- Builders stay committed to the work, even when it becomes difficult
This first episode in the Devil Wears Prada series challenges many assumptions about what strong women are “allowed” to look like when leading.
Rather than offering simple answers, the conversation asks harder questions about discipline, mission-focus, kindness, and the real cost of trying to build something meaningful.
To hear Julia Middleton and Phaedra Ellis-Lamkins unpack ruthlessness, clarity, focus, and The Devil Wears Prada in full, listen to the complete episode on the Women Emerging podcast.
