Listening Inward: How My Body and Energy Are Shaping My Way of Leading

Unnati Joshi is a Women Emerging Fellow who joined the group expedition for women leading with disabilities or chronic conditions. In this powerful reflection, she shares how the journey helped her reconnect with her body, honor her energy, and reframe her relationship with leading.

For a long time, I thought leading meant keeping it together at all times. Being the one who knew what to do, even when I felt lost. Moving forward, no matter how exhausted I was. I had learned, from life and experience, that I had to rely on myself fully and fiercely. That control kept things from falling apart.

Well, that control came at a cost. My body was often tired. My mind was always racing. I could sense the tension building up, the ache of carrying too much for too long, the silence of parts of me that had never felt safe enough to speak. I moved through the world with strength, but not always with softness. I acted with intention but not always with awareness.

The Women Emerging expedition gently but firmly challenged that narrative. It offered me the space to slow down, to listen more deeply, and to become mindful of how I truly move through the world. For the first time in a long time, I began paying attention, not just to what I do, but to where I do it from. And I found the core essence of my leading: my body and trauma.

My body holds memories. It remembers fear, stress, and survival. It also remembers moments of joy, calm, and safety. I have learned that my body does not lie. When I feel unsafe, it speaks. When I am aligned, it softens. When I am overwhelmed, it tightens. These signals used to frustrate me. I used to override them in the name of productivity. Now I see them as part of how I lead. When my shoulders stiffen, I pause. When I feel scattered, I return to my breath.

There was a time when I believed that if I showed any cracks, I would be seen as weak. But healing has taught me otherwise. My experiences of trauma have not made me less capable. They have made me a more aware and compassionate person. They have taught me to lead with both softness and strength. I now know that vulnerability, when chosen and held with care, is not weakness. It is a powerful way of being real with myself. I do not have to pretend I have it all together. I can show up as I am, and that is enough.

Healing is not a destination I have reached. It is a practice I return to again and again. It shapes how I care for myself, how I set boundaries, and how I move my energy through difficult moments. I no longer try to suppress emotion or force clarity. I allow space for the unknown. I have begun to trust the wisdom of slowing down and being mindful about my energy. I have learned to hold my own experiences with compassion. I have learned that self-leading begins with self-trust.

Leading, for me, is no longer a constant forward motion. It moves in cycles, just the way I, as a woman, live cyclical. There are seasons of clarity and seasons of confusion. Times when I am energized, and times when I need to retreat. I no longer measure my worth by how productive I am. I no longer chase urgency. I move at the pace of my own breath. I allow myself to rest. I allow myself to begin again.

What grounds me most is my sense of purpose. When I remember why I lead, when I reconnect with what truly matters to me, I find energy I did not know I had. Even when I am tired, even when the path feels unclear, that purpose acts as an inner anchor. It reminds me that I do not need to have all the answers. I just need to stay connected to my truth and move from there.

The expedition was not just a journey through conversations and landscapes. It was a journey inward. It helped me reclaim parts of myself I had pushed aside. It reminded me that I am allowed to be both powerful and tender. That I can be thoughtful and agile. That I can lead with presence and still take up space in rest. It reminded me that my body, and my chronic conditions, are not something to battle, but something to honor. That energy is not something to hoard, but something to protect and share with intention.

The expedition did not give me answers. It gave me something more lasting. The permission to listen to myself. To be in conversation with my body. To be kind with my energy. To lead not by doing more, but by being more of who I already am.

I am still learning, still healing, still softening. But I am no longer rushing through any of it. I am moving from presence. I am moving with care. I am moving as someone who has nothing to prove, only something to live.

That, to me, is what leading feels like now.

About the author:

Unnati Joshi is a development professional with over a decade of experience in community outreach, partnerships, and program management. Currently serving as a Program Officer at Mountaintop International, she holds a degree in Psychology, an MBA in Marketing, and certifications in Counseling Psychology, CBT, and Adolescent Guidance. An advocate for mental well-being, Unnati focuses on holistic development and community resilience while pursuing personal and professional growth.