- This topic has 4 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 3 months, 2 weeks ago by Kagiso Onkabetse.
When I first started leading teams, I thought being “in charge” meant having to be the one with the answers. I’d walk into meetings prepared to set the pace, assign the tasks, and keep everything moving. It worked in the short term, but I began to notice that people weren’t always outspoken and expressive around me.
A turning point came during a team meeting I was leading years ago. I had a clear idea of how I thought the agenda should flow, but instead of steering straight into it, I asked the team, “How are you seeing this? What would make this process more meaningful for you?” The shift was immediate. I saw people leaning in, ideas flowing, and directions emerged that I hadn’t even considered. It reminded me that leading doesn’t always mean leading from the front; sometimes it’s about stepping back so others can step in.
Since then, I’ve been intentional about moving away from the traditional power-based model. The overt change has been how I now share decision making openly, and the subtler one is learning to hold silence and resisting the urge to fill the space and allowing others to shape it. Both have made my leadership feel lighter, more human, and far more effective.
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When I first started leading teams, I thought being “in charge” meant having to be the one with the answers. I’d walk into meetings prepared to set the pace, assign the tasks, and keep everything moving. It worked in the short term, but I began to notice that people weren’t always outspoken and expressive around me.
A turning point came during a team meeting I was leading years ago. I had a clear idea of how I thought the agenda should flow, but instead of steering straight into it, I asked the team, “How are you seeing this? What would make this process more meaningful for you?” The shift was immediate. I saw people leaning in, ideas flowing, and directions emerged that I hadn’t even considered. It reminded me that leading doesn’t always mean leading from the front; sometimes it’s about stepping back so others can step in.
Since then, I’ve been intentional about moving away from the traditional power-based model. The overt change has been how I now share decision making openly, and the subtler one is learning to hold silence and resisting the urge to fill the space and allowing others to shape it. Both have made my leadership feel lighter, more human, and far more effective.
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This really resonates with me, thank you for sharing it so honestly. I appreciate how you named both the overt and subtle shifts you’ve made, because often it’s the quieter ones, like holding silence, that can be the hardest and most transformative. When leaders make room for others to contribute, people not only bring in fresh perspectives, but they also feel more invested in the outcomes. Authenticity definitely makes everyone win in the end.
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Thank you for sharing this. I really resonated with your shift from feeling like you had to “have the answers” to realizing that leadership can be about creating space for others to step in. It takes courage to pause, listen, and hold silence—and that kind of leadership often feels lighter, more authentic, and deeply empowering for a team.
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This is a great experience you shared, Kagiso. I have also learnt that people really have so much to contribute to the growth of our vision if they are given opportunity to speak and be heard. But when I cover them with powers taking over in all corners, they will keep quiet and we miss so much.
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I wonder how generational this is. I am 67, if my generation had an idea, we kept it carefully for ourselves, it would put us ahead, it needed protecting. Over the last few months I have lead a number of expeditions with your women. If they have an idea, they put it out there, because in this way they will improve it, it needs sharing.
Love Julia
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